“You can’t be gay; you’re black.”
Anthony, 26
Rebecca Hendin / BuzzFeed
"It took me until I was 21 to do the deed. I'd spent years whipping myself into a frenzy of discontent, believing once I came out my world would end; my family would be too embarrassed, angry, or unsupportive to continue relations with me, my friends would drop me like a stone, I would be coerced into leading a life on the margins of society.
"I wish I'd done it another way but one night, drunk with a friend, I texted my mum to say I was gay. There is something about the dissociation that encumbers technological communication that made it easier that way. The response was 'Phone me', and with apprehension manifesting itself in shaking fingers, I dialled. Hearing my mum's voice, confused, enquiring, full of emotion, I broke further and we sobbed together on the phone.
"My mum sobbed for a life that would not be lived. She says it was a kind of grief, not that I was gay, but that my life would be harder, and she wanted it to be easy. The joy was to come later – a joy at the rebirth of me, a lifting of the darkness that followed me around like a personal rain cloud. There was relief to be gained too, from the slow yet persistent realisation that I was the same person I always was.
"We decided to tell my dad together. This was the hard part. My dad is a traditional, conservative man, born and raised in Jamaica, and frankly, he'd not done much throughout the years to intimate he'd be OK with a gay son. My heart was in my mouth.
"'I already know,' said my dad, and then, 'Yuh me son and me love yuh same way. Me just want yuh fi be happy.' I broke again.
"I learned from my father that prejudice has many forms. My own belief that he would disown me because he was Jamaican was prejudiced. If your parents and you have a good, loving relationship, coming out will not change it."
Jacq, 46
Rebecca Hendin / BuzzFeed
"I came out as bisexual 20 years ago. Only recently have other lesbian and gay people believed me. I've been told there's no such thing as bisexuals. I came out to my trade union rep, as I wanted to go to an LGBT conference. He said, 'You can't be gay; you're black.' I was too scared of him to say I was bisexual. It wouldn't have mattered anyway."